Charity closed the door behind us, and turned the deadbolt, and jostled the knob to ensure it was locked, “the door here doesn:t close unless you really slam it shut, we:ve been having an issue with it.”
“That:s ok.”
“Yeah?” she sounded amused — I guess I said something stupid.
“I:m still just nervous”
She turned to stare down at me, and suddenly I was aware how much taller she was than me. Not much, maybe only ~2-4 inches, but something about her character felt towering. “Non, I want you to consider this space as sacred ground. Since stepping foot on this ‘sacred ground,’ everything you have said was ‘empty,’ and you should feel no shame for your weaknesses, Non, but you are speaking in Empties.”
The tension with her words made me afraid to do anything but stare directly into her eyes, and nod.
I understood what she meant. Empties was an Org term to explain all pointless filler speech that hides a persons true, simple, meaning. I was speaking against my thought, I was speaking empties.
She smiled at me again and touched my arm,
“Non, I want to show you something — here,” and walked with me down the backroom hallway (the backroom was little more than a hallway that divvied off into three offices), and stood me in front of a large framed photo.
Under it was a nameplate, that read:
Our Founding Sister
Our Always Friend
It was the photo of her when she was hospitalized. That:s how her identity was originally leaked to the Love Corp (and to the public at-large once the smear campaign started & the ‘death incidents’ were pinned on EnLove). Basically: Founding Sister was always known to be suicidal, but it seemed like creating Enformation became a reason for her to keep living. The new-found purpose was something she often expressed struggling with in her writing: she wanted to die, as part of Enformation, but now had purpose and identity.
None of that ended up mattering; her later works mentioned she was starting to succumb to a cancer. She wrote about the view from her window, when the nurses would visit her, how one of her trusted aides got her a wig.
There were not many active Love Corp members who had recently gone off-duty for cancer, so her identity was quickly pieced together. Two of the photos of Founding Sister were hospital ones, and the rest were photos ‘discovered’ retroactively of her young and as a then-unknown Love Corp member; but, the two hospital ones: the first was an ‘expose’ ambush photo by some LC investigator that caught her looking sad, ugly, and dying; the second was a photo taken three days before her death, by one of the inner circle: she faced the camera, she had her wig on, the lighting was dim — and she looked like this ethereal embodiment of every value she wrote about.
That was this photo before me, blown up massive-size.
Charity stood at my side, and bowed her head in a quiet prayer before the photo. I joined her.
I wasn:t really sure what to pray, what came to mind was: please accept me, founding sister, please let me accept your enformation into my heart and make my faith correct.. I:m not sure if you like being prayed to like this, please forgive me if I:ve made a mistake, and please guide me so I can pray correct, too ^^; there was no response to my prayer (I had this hope I would hear her and make everything more real), and Charity still seemed to be praying. I just stared at my shoes and waited.
“The Founding Sister was weak, Non. Her body was so weak that it couldn:t continue to live. She was a great person, but a failure as a Love Corp member.. constantly considered unfriendly, constantly fearful, always hateful, and just that: weak. Weaker than you, Non. Her closest supporters, before EnLove ever took-off, would always talk about how Founding Sister couldn:t even look any of them in the eye. She would stammer, break plates — she couldn:t be trusted to do phones, even. She:d have panic attacks over a prospect actually wanting to converse off-of the script.”
Charity turned to face me, with that same belittling expression she showed earlier. “Her weakness could never touch her faith. Her love in Mother exceeded that of an average persons.. an entire org melted together couldn:t match a single beat of her heart”
Without taking her eyes off me, she slowly grabbed my hand.
“Face me, Non :-)”
I realized at some point I had returned to staring at my shoes..
“I:m sorry, I:m not sure where to look.. Everything is just so ‘strong’ in a weird way,” I faced her.
“Say it without the empties :-)”
“Understood, yes ma:am”
Her lip curled a little and my hand started to sweat,
“Say it without the empties :-/”
“Understood.”
“Thank you,” her grip tightened and her expression relaxed, “Her weakness never touched her faith, Non, because her weakness was not weakness. Her weakness was a sister to her — maybe her only real friend, when she was alive. Let me know that you understand.”
“I understand.”
“Thank you,” she let go of my hand, “we will hold a short interview in processing, and I will sign you up for the initial Basic EnLove course. If you can pay for it today, we will do it today.”
“Actually, I brought three hundred dollars with me.”
We walked back down the hallway, between a door labeled ‘Processing,’ and another labeled ‘Office 2: Margaret’,
“Say it without empties, Non.”
“I have three hundred dollars.”
“Non, did you really come this far to be turned away by the possibility of not being able to afford to pay? Or are you speaking in empties to find a way out of making a hard choice for yourself?”
Every time she mentioned ‘empties’ it made my thoughts race like crazy while I tried to figure out what she wanted me to ‘cut.’
I felt so stupid.
“I can pay.”
“Thank you, Non. Make it a habit, and speak to me without empties going forward. Ok? :-)”
“Understood.”
“Thank you :-)) lets start the interview,” and we headed back down the hall.
Charity turned away from me, and knocked on the door labeled ‘Office 2’, yelling: “Margaret, I:m processing a volunteer and running basic Enfo for the next several hours, I need you to either lock or watch the front.”
From inside a muffled “Ok,” was said in response.
Charity didn:t bother acknowledging the answer, and instead immediately back towards ‘Processing’, and ushered me inside.
‘Processing’ was a small room, with a cheap grey folding table, and two chairs sitting across from each-other. On the table was an M-Scanner used by the Processing Church.
This was my first time seeing Mothers technology in person.
It looked so pretty to me.
The Hate Corp having these devices was a big irritation for the church of the Holy Mother. It was stolen technology, and the ability to Process was only really meant for the Processing Church — I think. But, the Founding Sister was obsessed with the device… She wrote about her attempts to work as a processor, and how she was in-love with the device.
Founding Sister was actually probably attracted to the device.. like, physically. It was one of the attacks used against her, to make her seem insane. She wrote unapologetically about everything she was feeling, so there were plenty of embarrassing informations to use against her.
I really liked that about her..
This whole building suddenly felt like it was breathing to me, and that at some point I ended up in the lungs of the Founding Sister, and I finally started to understand the weird EnFormation talking points about being one with her body..
“Non, how are you feeling now that you:re here?”
At some point we ended up sitting across from each-other, with the M-Scanner between us.
“I want to cry.”
“Thank you for telling me, Non. Take it in.”
No crying happened! I wanted to, but it didn:t happen ^^;
“I:m ready.” said as non-empty as I actually thought, because I really did feel ready.
“Thank you, Non. Ok, before we begin, I need to re-state how important it is that both of us speak without empties. There is nothing you could say that could be wrong, as long as you speak without empties. This is sacred ground, and it is up to the both of us to treat it this way with our heart and enheart, okay? :-)”
“Okay.”
“Good, thank you.” her eyes narrowed on me, “Non, I:ve been irritated with you since you mentioned the online comments.”
“I:m sorry—”
“No empties, Non, I am just telling you what my enheart tells me :-)”
“…”
“My irritation comes from thinking you come from online. The only people that ever visit this Org are protestors on behalf of the recent information-victim families, Holy Mother sympathizers, and internet people who know too much. Which one are you?”
“…I:m from the internet.”
“Thank you for telling me, Non. I believe you; I believe you really want to join, too, and I don:t feel irritated with you anymore. It:s healthy if we have equal information about each-other.”
“…”
“I would like it if you acknowledge understanding me, if you understand me, ok, Non?”
“Ok.”
“Great :-) OK, to start the interview, I will have you read a page of Enformation.”
A red piece of paper with printed text was slid across to me, it wasn:t much text.
“You will read it, then let me know when you have finished; do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Great, begin.”
I am very interested in your fanfic I cant wait to read more^.^!