The org was located on the third floor of this office building. Completely quiet the entire time since I set foot inside the building. Quiet lobby, quiet elevator, quiet third floor hall, quiet bathroom, quiet standing in-front of the door that read “304 Hate Enfo Org.”
This was the Enformation branch of the Hate Corp, it:s the sister-branch of the Enconnection Org. I guess Enfo handled all of the publishing for the Enformations, but also handled the “connection” goal of the Hate Corp.. sort-of like their main-front of influencing people away from Love Corp. Enformation handled recruitment, basically.
Now that I was actually at the door to an org, my heart was beating so so so hard in my chest, & all I could do to settle down was to just stop thinking.
I was ready for my new life to begin and for my feelings to finally realize... so I stopped thinking and opened the door ^^
The same quiet that was throughout the office building was inside the org lobby, too.
The lobby was small, and had no natural light (this was the same for the whole building, it felt like its own internal empty quiet world).
One wall was lined with those blue reception stack-chairs.
Across from the entrance was a TV hanging from the ceiling, and a door with “keep closef [sic] at ALL TIMES :-/” printed on it.
A few Enfo Org posters were framed — they were some of the Founding Sisters words overlaid on the same few photos of her face that you would see on the internet and occasional printed articles (there were only ~4-5 photos ever taken of her, apparently she was a HUGE recluse even to her inner-circle, which I really admired (another note, that I picked up from online rumors: she might be several different people: the one in the photo (who is 100% dead), apparently the woman who prints out all of the Enformation for the org and distributes it, and apparently also someone who works in the Love Corp handling finances)). I had seen several of these posters myself, when I first learned about Hate Org & started searching for information on them.
It:s a little childish.. but seeing those posters in person actually stopped me. Like, I put my hands over my heart, and just stood there in the doorway. I:m really here. It felt like losing my virginity (or, a lead-up to it) in this abstract way.
I felt that way the entire bus ride here.
"Hi, welcome to the Hate Enfo Org."
~spoken in this perfectly flat-line tone.
It was a lady sitting behind a receptionist desk to my right. She was mostly entirely hidden behind the desk, apparently hunched over doing (some religious?) work?
I just rose on my tippy-toes to check, and she was smiling at me. She wore this clean dark uniform, and had her hair perfectly neat, and her makeup perfectly done. She looked like every woman I tried to appear as but never could pull off w/ the same level of naturalness. I was envious!!
"Hello! A-a-h Ai:m—" I was still super nervous and stammering all over myself, & I couldn't pretend to be less-than-excited — my heart wouldn:t let me. "I:m sorry, ^^ I:m so nervous," just came out of me, “I:ve been planning to visit for so long but I:ve been afraid, but I:m so happy I:m here now ^^”
"Oh, that:s perfectly fine." She just continued smiled at me, in a perfect non-judging expression. “I understand it can be really daunting to come here, I think you:re making a great first step.”
“I think so too.. I:m incredibly happy to be here”
She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and stood up.
"It:s a quiet day today, so you:ve come at an excellent time if you have any questions about Enformation. Ohh—also, would you like to sign the Visitor Book?" She tapped a pencil on a red-papered book that was open between us. “To let us know that you stopped by :-)”
A series of columns/rows were printed on-to it, and several of the entries were completely scribbled across to make the past-visitors Unknown.
Apparently three other people had been here today.
They wanted to know your name, your address, your phone number, and when you arrived.
I did, "I would love to."
“Great” same perfect-flat smile; “please take your time and let me know when you:ve done that, and then I can handle any questions you have.”
I wasn:t sure if I should use a pseudonym, and fill-out fake information.
My heart was going insane in my chest. On the boards, there are constantly all these stories about how aggressive the Info Orgs recruited ppl who would show up.. You couldn:t search “Hate Org” without finding exclusively horror stories about doxxing, gangstalking, and physical abuse. They were known for brain-washing people, and making them these dull-eyed ‘alternates’ of the message Holy Mother supposedly had for us.
Pausing at the ‘Home Address’ field. Filling any of this out will put me in-to that same group of people with those same experiences of dull-eyes, brain-washing, & gangstalking.
I gave them my real address, my real phone number, and my actual full name.
My secret was a want for nothing-more than to be recruited, and my heart beating so loudly felt like she wanted me to make it Not-Secret..
"Pardon me, I:m done." I just finished signing away all my information,
She stood up, spun the book around to face her for a moment, and spun it back,
“Excellent, Non — did I say that right?”
“Yes”
“Good, I wasn:t sure, it:s an unusual name ^^; my name is Charity”
“Nice to meet you, Charity” I just reflexively gave her a silly half-curtsy. I started to smile, too. My tension was starting to loosen a little ^^.
“So before we start, and so I don:t make any assumptions about you, I just want to ask: why have you decided to show up to a Hate Info Center?”
“Well — “ bashful again! I couldn:t help knead my hands together against my chest (it was just one of those self-soothing things I did whenever I had to talk with someone) & my thoughts felt like they were in a huge knot. “Sorry! I:m just so anxious I:ve wanted to come here for so long & it:s overwhelming, I:m trying to put my thoughts together” — I just blurt things out when I:m nervous.
“It:s all right, Non” still with the flat smile, she kept her eyes on me patiently and completely non-bothered by my pause. “How about, I put on a video while you gather your thoughts, if that sounds fine?”
It was barely a question, because she immediately started to walk towards the TV, and turned it on. It had some weird graphical UI that listed several names I recognized.
EnLove against the Holy Mother
Have You Held Hate?
EnLove and Enfriendliness
EnConnection: Science of Enformation
EnLove: Annihilation
“Have you heard of any of these?” she asked, fiddling with a remote that seemed to be unresponsive.
They were all of the Enformational texts published by Founding Sister, before she died.
“Some of them.. I know a little about EnLove,”
I actually knew a lot.
EnLove was actually the original name of the Hate Org — they actually adopted that name following the death of Founding Sister, as a response to HM (Holy Mother) critiques who dubbed these sisters as hateful apostates. Roughly that was around the time where the original identity of the Founding Sister was discovered, and her inner-circle of believers were confirmed Unfriendly and officially excommunicated from the church.
But, during that initial period, the EnLove movement was based solely off of Founding Sisters blog (she was named Empty Sister initially, she would change her name with every new Enformation published — Hopeless Sister, Crying Sister, Hateful Sister, Unconscious Sister — the domains hosting them would change too. When she was active, it was apparently pretty exciting to find the new Founding Sister text.
The final text EnLove: Annihilate! (different from Annihilation) was actually only distributed via physical prints, and debatably wasn:t made by the real Founding Sister — but the final pseudonym of Annihilate! (by Founding Sister) was the one that stuck.
Annihilate! was controversial. It gave the group its reputation from the ‘incidents’ it generated. The deaths that haunted Hate Corp. Detractors made arguments about the inevitable conclusions of the Hate Corp based off several quotes from Annihilate!, and referencing two of the notes left behind in the wake of the death. It became almost a forbidden text, but supposedly was the main inspiration for the formation of the Enconnection Org. Rumor: the Enformation of Annihilate! couldn:t be handled by most people, and this was by-design from Founding Sister.
Charity seemed to get the remote working, and turned to face me with the same perfect flat smile.
“EnLove is a lot of peoples first exposure to the Founding Sister, she was a great woman who dedicated her life to Correcting the Harmful Incorrects that the Holy Mother propagated through Information.
Please have a seat, I:ve set it to play a quick movie that has helped thousands of people recover from the dangers of Incorrects.”
I sort-of wanted to tell her that I knew all of this, but a large part of me just wanted to let Charity run me through the program.
I took a seat, and watched.
The movie mostly was ~eight minutes of well dressed people first going through some painful expression (ie: sad guitarist throwing his instrument ground and looking dejected), and then later the same group of people would be shown coming to a revelation that made them happier (ie: happy guitarist strumming with his family, looking fulfilled).
Over the footage essentially was bullet-point narration of the Enformation from the original EnLove text. The points were all familiar to me, but it was kind-of cool to see the enformation laid out in a boring video format. Essentially, EnLove starts with Founding Sisters premise that the Holy Mother (& the whole of humanity, really) has caused harm to the universe by denying love to negative emotions, & goes a step further to state that the Church of the Holy Mother is leading a genocide against these negative emotions (EnLove insists that the negative emotions are real, and even insists they be called Sisters). These negative emotions, or enturbulated emotions, are termed EnEmotions (usually shortened to En-E:s), and the most important enturbulated emotion is Love, or EnLove. EnLove is also “Hate.”
I sort of believe it. I don:t know if I believe it as much as Charity, but in EnLove there:s this line about how (roughly) we can “clear” (HM term for removing harmful tar from your soul basically) the universe by not eradicating our fears, but by loving their existence as you would a sister.
The movie ended, and Charity came back over to check on me,
“Would you like to keep watching more?”
“Oh — no thank you; I liked that a lot though. Honestly, I:ve read all of EnLove.. it:s partially the reason I came here. It:s kind of silly.”
“Not silly at all, the Founding Sister lived through her work”
I smiled.. I believed that “And she lives in me, as enformation; that:s one of my favorite comments from her” occasionally the Founding Sister would argue with people in her comments. She rarely actually argued with the person, but more-so just wrote at them in this super passionate / manic way. She was kind of elemental, about how miserable she was. It was infectious.
“If you:ve read all of EnLove, I could play a movie from another text — have you read EnConnection?”
“No, not yet.. but—actually, sorry”
"Yes?" she beamed at me and looked right at me all smiles.
"I:m still really nervous so I just want to say it outright,"
Charity always had this unflinching stare with a clean/clear expression, it really made me believe that I could tell her anything & she would be unaffected.
"I want to join the Hate Corp."
"You know, Non, I:m a member of the Hate Corp,” her smile went cold and placid on me, “the Corp is sort-of the monastic order of our Founding Sister. It was modeled off of the rules she had her inner circle follow before they were excommunicated. It:s a really strict, completely religious life."
“I understand—”
I paused, because I was about to say something that would reveal that maybe I know about heretical information about the Hate Corp.. and I:ve heard that the Corp usually turns away people who know too much about the organization itself. Typically Hate Corp attracts people interested in the drama around Annihilation. Depressed people who fixated on Founding Sister as a depressed person suffering from some psychosis and wanting to bond to some suicidal surface image of her, to justify their own depression. Really: it was understandable. EnLove sort-of is a death cult. Her explicit goal was to purify the universe by removing the EnHate genociders and creating a universe where pure Hate beings could exist. Only: there was much more to it between “then” & “now.” Founding Sister also wanted a real sisterhood with the EnEmotions that eventually killed her. She was both deluded and painfully empathetic, and the people she attracted weren:t what EnLove wanted. They lacked what a religion would actually want in their congregation: conviction in belief. All they offered was their suicidality and massive liability for a fringe organization that already had the unwanted reputation of being a death cult.
“—I know it:s really difficult, and I know it sounds really silly but I want to live a life completely committed to the Founding Sisters work. Her writings just moved me.. My first exposure to her was this comment section where Holy Mother believers were linking to an archive of Hate Corp stuff, & they were just mocking it as nonsense—”
The original blogs had all been Scrubbed off the internet, but sometimes you could still find them rehosted — usually scanned off the printed versions.
“—but when she wrote about how the Enformation was a sacred relic and her readers were her clergy who ATE her blood, ATE her bones, and became reliquaries to her — I just sort of felt something inside me click really hard and it felt like I was holding real magic, it felt like” I was trying to think of selling-points I:ve heard in some Hate Corp propaganda “I had accepted the blood of the Founding Sister as my own.. it just made me feel so mushy”
She nodded, and grabbed her elbows “Ok Non :-) I:m happy to hear all of this. I would like to give you a text, that you might be interested in, but first—” she scurried back behind her desk, and shuffled through some folders, “I need to knooow somethings, about you” she picked up a pen, clicking it twice, and gathered up some papers, and a jingly set of keys.
Charity walked past me, smiling, towards the ‘keep closef [sic]’ door, unlocked it “we will conduct a quick interview together.” Charity held the door open for me.
I was smiling too.