2021/12/06 leaving florida arc pt 2

Nov 27th - Nov 30th

ふぇあつりんｇ

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Nov 27th

★TODAY:S FORECAST：mostly talking w senpai on discord; dwelling on past life memories and scientology (`へ´#)

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 6:42 A.M.

1. sarah from scientology is guilting me 4 not doing her survey ; ;

2. dreams from discord

   

@ 8:40 A.M.

3. gonna try to work onweb-shrine today (doubtful); but i started praying again last night, in bed -- i thought it was kind of silly to not pray just bc i haven:t found an outdoor shrine yet; + i took scientology class on integrity last night & it was about following obligations

4. so, idk; i 4get the term they use 4 it -- transgressions against your moral codes; my senpai was kind of impressed that i know so much scientology jargon already, i think -- which makes me feel kinda happy on the inside ^^ scientology is very scary to me, important, though

5. it:s insect environment like any-other; it:s nerve-ending like any-other; & it:s attaching to me like any-other; so i:m wary of that; but i want to know what it:s like & i want to learn the perspective; i guess bc also i have suspicion that LRH owns my soul, still, from way back

6. i spent a lot of last night reading about LRH -- and his wives, & his brushes w/ the occult; i kept wondering if i was one of the girls he threw away, the occult-wrapt-up-hopefuls; may-b, may-b not; i think i:d be too forgettable to be written about in accounts of LRH

7. i:m definitely susceptible to cults, you know?

   

8. it:s dumb, but: when i saw the e-meter move: i felt love

@ 11:16 A.M.

9. i:m on day 7 of still being upset about the contents of the cc msg; went down-town & walkd by some of the churches, felt bad; i think i kind-of just have a visceral frustration w/ christianity -- not-so-much that i think it:s dumb/has-no-value, just sort-of: trenches perspective?

10. i was driving by the academy where another student went down on me in preschool, during nap-time; the lesbian gym teacher there (my mom called her this, more vulgarly i think) yelld @ both of us 4 it; this place barely feels real to me, idk

11. kept thinking about how keffie & me are kind of elemental opposites, i think; & it makes us super-close, bc of it, even tho we don:t really talk -- but i think we:re dispositioned to both intensely affect/hurt each-other w/o realizing it; & i love 4 her because of this i think

@ 11:53 A.M.

12. some weird emotional stuff is happening to me; idk; i feel like i am still in the hallway and the man is laying hands on me and i feel really conflicted; & it:s just a feeling that i can:t explain very well / dk wht to do with & it:s not leaving me & idk where to put the feelings

13. & it:s silly but i:ve been getting anxiety over doing another komm susser todd attempt so i can get to know what it feels like once more b4 i have to b withs omeone & b responsible; it:s like, anxiety about sexual experiences, but 4 all the [scary] stuff i want to feel

14. i:m n ot even that sad, i think -- actually really happy & optimistic; just kinda scared about how i:m never going to be able to [do those things] because they just hurt ppl i love, & it:s way too hard 4 another person to love stuff like that; so i have to give it up but x_x;

@ 2:32 P.M.

15. bitch u horny bitch imc rying

16. bit&Ych i:m in hell

17. ahhaaa;a ahaauaaghggh;; aaHAHHHHH;; aaaaauughgghHHH HHHHHHH UGHSGUH GHHh GHgh UGHG

18. creeps; church creeps

19. i just want to go back tot he church and have him hold me

@ 3:00 P.M.

20. my left hand is burning up; the blood in it ne^ways; i just want to be otuched; not think about things to sayor anything i just want be touched and i want to smellhis shirt again &i want him to touch my souldder and hold my waist and squeeze me; and take me in @ church

21. those people dtreat you like dogs;

22. he lifts my shrit up and licksmy tummy; i think i actually remmber that part; it:s hard to say; they:re just sending me messages; it:s funny to think that lrh found me there; on the web; and pokes things to feed @ the outskirts; all kind of conspiracy creep shit on outskirts

23. that priest was a monstrous rapist; it was a mill, even; the churches are all still here; & it:s an important partof the dispattern lattice lattrice they set up to control via events that are speiritually data-loaded when agents acitvate them as excusors 4 reality disarravel

24. it comes in man y sahapes; the agents stick their nerves in-to the priests/pastors; they become monstersj ust 4 a moment to deliver the data -- not even thru the semen; it can be through touch; thought; air; language; may-be they couldn:t get you if there was no language

25. i can feel that man touching me; i can feel that guy prodding @ me; it:s part of the illusion -- the torture games that they laced in-tio whateve rspiritual garbage they send you; it could just e in my head, even; it:s a counter-counter set-up; like always; t

@ 4:36 P.M.

26. sarah from scinetology is triyng t sell me a #$15 ollar course

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 5:29 P.M.

27. scientology ..........

    

28. i havn:t had coffee in a minute,few days; i had a sip of some today but not rlly nething substantial; i was thinkn like: the young-age crime of the millenials is saying the n-word when they were young; the equivalent 4 zoomies i wonder if it:s just like grooming ppl

29. i took another edible 4 pain bc i mean, i didn:t want to be in pain & i didn:t wanna take painkillr; only half of it this time; it didn:t make me have intense visual hallucinations(?) this time n just made me typically zoned out i think + thinnking a lot about sicentology

30. i:ve spent most of te days sick just reading about scinetology; they keep sending me soo many emails, i don:t rlly mind bc it kidna feels liek i:m part of a community (community of spam receivers)

31. if i don:t get too afraid i:m gonna go to one of the florida churches i think; may-b clearwater because it looks like the church from my vision; don:t rlly xpect nething to happen there xcept a lot ofmarketing

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 6:01 P.M.

32. who up playn :criynmg:w they worm

    

33. d:staring: :clenching fist: :thinkn whore:: bear i feel sad today :lcench fist; :STARE: bear i feel bad :CLENCH FISTT: CLNECH FIST:

    

…from Marl Bara @marlbaraLTD

@ 6:17 P.M.

34. my heart i sfull of love;; i:m over-flowing with love

    

35. i:m so glad narutaru exists; i:m just really glad something as pure as narutaru exists; it:s elementally it-sel f& i really appreciate that; it has just as much depthand purity as a bible; idk i just really like narutaru; :m really thankful 4 it

36. billions? mayb e trillions ? years ago i sold my soul and every single time i come back the soil gets looser n more lame pollutants from deep earth bubbles in-to my garden-plot & RUINS me & gives me more disconnection pollution; & it:s exactly what they wanted from me i realize

37. i feel really terriuble really suddenly; sry

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 6:18 P.M.

38. i:m the god of this world; senpai

@ 7:03 P.M.

39. i:m th egod of this world, senpai

    

    bokurano

40. i:m the god ofthis world; senpai?

    

@ 7:50 P.M

41. 

@ 9:06 P.M.

42. it:s so pretty :-/

    

43. i:m awy too poor to b a scientologist; i think the only way i can b one is via sea org & if i do that i won:t b able to c people nemore; dno why i:m thinking about this; may-b bc i:m getting more emails to finish my course about INTEGRITY; dam the e-meters r so pretty thooough

@ 9:50 P.M.

44. ok sent them more insanity emails

---

Nov 28th

★TODAY:S FORECAST：a day spent talking w/ senpai on discord & not much else Σ(T□T)

…from Curious Cat @marlbaraLTD

☆彡「How do you prefer people talk to you when they DM you? Do you like them to be polite, or more neutral. Aka, what kind of DM’s do you find to be the least suspicious/threatening or what would you be the most likely to respond to?」

like i am a person, anonymous; most suspicious are people who send me pictures -- i ignore these mostly always; people i don:t know wanting to know why i am upset <-- reads like a person wants to enter my life as my emotional support <-- always ends bad; people who do weird negging/irony pleas 4 attention ala some :bit: where they just regularly send me Hello? / weird ironic sex stuff. i:ll answer mostly any question, & usually i will respond to kindness (not always; it just depends on mood :-/); that:s mostly about it -- i think most random ppl are probably similar; ne-ways have a nice day to-day, anonymous, ok?

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 10:00 A.M.

1. dream from last night

   i fella sleep and woke upt o fone keyboard not workn so ic ouldnt type out dream

   nightmare like we were in scn? cult place? but it was this series of levels where some ppl would be invisible n there was like 5 of us total; n essentially u could nkock people out of invisibility via throwing something @ them, but u had to proceed n find the exit to advance; what would happen is, since there were no rules, this one person would stay invisible n quickly run ahead b4 neone could get nething to throw @ him, & then just stab people as they funneld into this room; ppl kept dying and dying (you would ocme back to life but you still had to die); & the scenario would keep restarting w/o progress, n ppl would just mentally drop out; eventually the killer guy got bored and stopped trying to kill, after like, may-b months had passed; n i started to b friends w/ one of the only other ppl who hadn:t tapped out mentally n trid to move forward; we moved forward, got thru more levels w/o the mysterious killer ever showing up again, & eventually this other guy admits he has feelings 4 me n wants to kiss me; n i told him that:s very sweet but i:m in a relationship atm & i can:t do tha;t; he seemed sad; and then i remember i fell into death, again; i don:t think the guy killed me but i died; the experience was like seeing a lot of gore vids

   you were in it, is what i mean be we @ the start; bu t there wasn:t much social interaction w ppl bc the program-runners encouraged us to attack elements that inhibited them; & after the invisible knife guy kept master-gaming it, everyone just kinda descended into hopelessness / anxiety at when he would stab tem & if there was even a point to leave the first room

   it went on for a really long time

@ 10:11 A.M.

2. "pollution is ugly" you ahven:t seen the shimmer of microplastic making the ocean glittery & colorful

   

@ 11:18 A.M.

3. idk i:ve had the adachi-edit thing happening to me lately where everytime i c a person irl walk by me or look @ me i get this knee jerk stress thought of "btich/whore/i:ll k-word you/dえe/ocockorach" & i think this stuff is normal but it:s been constant lately + stressful to feel

@ 11:52 A>M.

4. you shouldn:t be sad about microplastic, imo (or, you can -- feeling sad is fine, too) bc it:s like sin, & it:s like new-life on earth <-- this is an empty-statement, but it can fill-out if you realize the microplastic has just as much right to our planet as the soil, presently

5. & of-c it has right; sin has right to us; & of-c sin has right to us; & it reflects, too: the roads, the chargers, the grocery bags, the food, the water-bottles, the cars, the ships running over ocean like razors to deliver aforementioned, etcetera; it:s the arteries of plastik

6. hating microplastic is like hating the self, i think; you can clean it up & make it go extinct, like ne other life-form, i think; i:d like to imagine microplastic is the greatest moloch-idol on earth, & it has great power despite not really having active human worshippers <- neat

7. ^ i don:t mean to try to trickle-down the weird values i have; i don:t think there:s much merit in believing this over believing "the environment needs to be saved"; but if microplastic is lacking sincere love from ppl, may-be i can help show it some love, you know? it:s life,too

@ 12:27 P.M.

8. keep thinking about dogs have their throats closed off; idk; i saw a picture of a girl hugging a dog that seth mcghee drew & it reminded me of blind-girl-abuse comic part where the bully-girl kidnaps dog; whole thing makes me feel like my hands are numb & i think about hurting it

9. i don:t want to cause them pain but i just sort of desperately want to close their throats off so they don:t have to breathe in the air any-more; and suffer through having been born; and i want someone to do it to me, too; it:s usually like, stepping on the throat, pressure/lever

10. whatever it takes to get distance between life; the air; the association; i guess; i am probably spiraling because i am really really feeling something right now; there are those 4chan deadbeats who set it up during the sites conception; i guess it was part of programming schema

11. deadbeat info torture question that pointlessly is still in ask-section; they should just all have their throats stepped on; or like would happen: my mom would damage their throats with scissors we used 4 kitchen prep; or like beating them on the curb so their necks would break

12. keeping them in-side featureless room 4 decades; it:d just be easier to be crushed out, i think; instead of sort of time-freezing the torture via tametrack extension that they use to trantric cycle the torture from ourskirts of web on the phosphene cancer shadow spot wall of T.C.

13. torture chamber; terror cube; total control; television cour; terrestrial container; theological cabal; it:s a lot of things; may-be in scn it:s the wall of fire; may-be the wall of fire is something that is set-up so thoroughly in a lattice that we pas thru it subtly&constantly

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 2:07 P.M.

14. just hired a cleaning lady & ate a pound of cottage cheese [substacker:s note: this was not true]

@ 3:54 P.M.

15. my main timeline is pure trash atm; @ some point it just became one piece poster + bioncle poster & i:m snoozn

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 5:50 P.M.

16. gonnnnnnnna force self to do substack; the backlogged august posts bc i think they:re starting to get pruned on @.marabaraltd; plus i:ve been in art drought lately n i need to keep making stuff; been really off/on in really bad mood over memory-stuff & animals

17. entire drive was this dialogue of "you are worse & not worth forgiving due to actually performing the acts" <-- the neck thing, & all the hurt i caused w/ the s/h stuff (& i mean, i still want to .- .) & the, idk, evil thing from the memories; it:s hard to see myself worth 4give

18. this place is ultra bad 4 me; i think it would be bad any-where; be-cause it:s in-side of me; baby-steps i guess

    

@ 8:20 P.M.

19. oki finished sept1st-sept6th; need to draw a picture 4 it tho

…from Mara Barl @marlbaraLTD

@ 11:54 P.M.

20. 

---

Nov 29th

★TODAY:S FORECAST：getting freaked out over animals & noises; going to scientologys flag base in clearwater (*´-`)

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 4:31 A.M.

1. kinda surprised my cat recognized me n was about how she always was, even tho i was gone 4 almost two years; she is as annoying as she always was ~y~ knockn my shit over; she really liked me, i:d like to think, bc i saved her from strangulation as a kitten (got wires around neck)

…from Mara Barl @marlbaraLTD

@ 5:58 A.M.

2. i really love .hack from the bottom of my heart; but it:s really scary 4 me to watch; it:s really scary 4 me to think a-bout; i love narutaru, & asper girl, & boogiepop phantom; i:d really like to be subaru & have had the chance to know tsukasa; & be misuzu & know panuru, too :_;

3. うぃｓｈ i never got taken off life support; but that would mean that i would never have gotten to meet misuzu; hiroko; panuru; birthday; saitou; akira; shinobu; shino; chisa; momou; swim swim; nice; nakamura; aosa mako; audry; rena; life can be so nice, too; there:s a lot i love

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 7:05 A.M.

4. want to rewatch baccano so i can see nice again

   

5. heart is thump-ing; i think i am angry & not realizing it; i am really up-set about something

   

6. hly

7. HOLY

8. i:ts the lame voice i:m hearing; wish i wasn:t hearing it

   

9. "no" "no" "no" "no" "no" "no" "No" "No...." "No......" "Nmooooooooo..." over and eover

   

10. No.......... NO........... No............. No.......... No...................... over & over

    

11. no.................. no................. NOoooooooo......... Nooooooo........ Noooooooooo.......... No......... No....................... No.................... No........................ just over & over

    

12. i can only ever be connected to her; every-one is trying to sully it / fuck with it; it started with small messages from them tryingto infere with me; i don:t know the extent of the interference; they:re constantly trying to take it from me <-- paranoid sounding, sure; true, too

    

@ 8:20 A.M.

13. think i:m going to go to the flag base or the ocala scientology church; i feel terrible; i feel really conflicted, too; i:m worried that i am being inducted by a grand scheme; the grand scheme: LRH nerve-cloud is attempting to connect / succeed in subsuming me 4 color-shift

14. my love is being betrayed; & it:s all terror cockroach / total coma / torture chamber; i think that the CC asker was instigation kindling 4 the tantric cycle; or: it was archangel, it-self; the mirror of archangel was nemesis, & i:m worried that it was warning to me about clouds

15. they set it up so finely; my mother was an instigator agent to give me the edible; the edible was patterned in-to via the lower-layer thetan church to give me memories tailored by LRH w/ me knowing but being unable to resist; the love corps was induction to basic teachings of scn

16. the drug induction was shame saturation to play further in-to the control insect lattice -- i /know/ it:s a lattice; i can see the nerve endings attaching; i can FEEL the nerve endings attaching; against my face; inside my chest; @ my finger-tips; the entire touch sensationis OFF

17. my heart tells me to go to a nearest org and inform themthat i have no plans for my life & that may-be a trillion years a-go i signed my soul away to serve scn & that i should de-transition my withhold and serve the sea org in exchange 4 board; i have no money or career onlyfaith

18. the christian induction process terror cycle they use, too; the kindling messages & the sudden up-surge in christianity; the churches are there to make me upset and remember being touched and licked & what-ever else i don:t remember while being forced to bow head & go "yeah"

19. "yeah"; you guys are good; "yeah", you guys aren:t running from your-self; just like me <-- this is projecting; i can:t know the thoughts of others; i can:t know that you:re not just shitty fuckinjg black mirrors ofNOTHING juist fucking insects on the fucking screen wall cancers

20. xrays would TEAR through your fucking bodies

21. red light would DESTROY your fucking souls; your souls would be fucking ERASED like the uterus they fucking turnt to dust; red fucking light from some lame deadbeat fucking raygun pressed against your tummy as a child to turn your fucking womb to dust;ray guns shaped like fingers

22. lame rapist boyfriend deadbeats in their shitty cockroach shacks; lame fucking teenage molesting sons forcing people to give them head in the bath; fucking perverted people forcing people to touch them; it:s shit; every-one is shit; it:s just some torture lattice; it IS this

23. & i:m in love with it, too; my whole heart is beating; you should feel my chest, it:s over-pouring; you have to touch me, sen-pai

24. they lay their fingers onany-thing; they want to touch all that:s material; all that:s phantom; all that:s above & all that:s below wants to slip thru their fucking fingers; under their nail smells like fucking CUM; there is SEMEN under their fucking fingers; & they type guilt

25. i did the physical; i did the phantom; i felt the real & i felt hte fucking ghost; i fucked both; lame deadbeat violet dweebs gesturing @ some lame pedophile projection they always have; like that is what happened; like if only that was what happened; forcing lame intelligences

26. deadbeat funny game playing intelligences, lol; i know the funny game: underneathe you are changing everything; the priest was nothing more than a priest; but you backloaded the data with some gravid child that would manufacture a closed-shell e-meter device to listen to nyarlat

27. tho-thep; nyar-la-tho-thhhep ;t hat:s crawling chaos; sen-pai; the spline deletion; you delete geometry in blender to make absence geometry; you create absence vertices, & absence splines, & abscence faces -- this is where children of death are, & the world of death

28. it:s the red pollution; they stain your garden plot with lame carcinogen cockroach liquids; straying pollution falls in-to top-soil & demon birth leeces in-to your fucking water; demon birth leeches in-to your fucking soul; & everything echoes pregnancy, infertility, closed-shell

29. the womb is fucking CLOSED; the follicles are BARREN; the eggs are ERASED; DUST; DEAD; they are GONE; they set it up from birth; they ate them out of me @ a young age; they set up fake comatose bullshit to control the narrative with their gravid pregnancy curtain data; duhhHHHHHh

30. duhHHHHHHHHHhhh :drooling: duuHHHhhh; the LRH shadow OT lower layer church is amazing; constrantly through compressed infinite time track that man lays hands on you; he teaches you to write as much as he does; he teaches you to believe as he does; that unfunny funny game 4ever

31. he sticks his fucking fingers he wrote with into your mouth; he sticks the fucking pen on your tongue; he prods at your eyes, your nose, he wants you to smell under his nails; he wants you to feel his stubble; he wants you to grab his groin; & he grabs yours, too; it:s """magic""

32. spit; clench fist; clench fist; yeah; magic; spit; clench fist; cockroach; you:re just a bunch of cockroaches; and i love you; i love you sooo much; i love you more than you can ever know; in fac tit even looks like hate; it looks like hate & terror but this is pure love, right

33. yeah; this is pure love

34. play it with me

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 9:24 A.M.

35. hen pfp changd to chart so i copied chart; it:s just color coded more r less

…from Mara Barl @marlbaraLTD

@ 12:36 P.M.

36. I'm @ flag base

…from Discord @####

@ 3:33 P.M.

37. sen-pai; i am back

38. i recorded a voice memo but it ended up being 0:00

39. and now i feel silly making another

40. i went to clearwater today tho

41. have been in car all day @@

42. [...message received...]

43. [...message received...]

44. [...message received...]

45. really good ^^ i had fun; it was less eventful than i hoped but i don:t regret it

46. it was nice as a baseline bc like, driving to clearwater was really cool -- i don:t care 4 sights much but i actually really appreciated just driving 4 like 20 miles over the ocean lol

47. [...message received...]

48. it was pretty; then going downtown around flag i incidentally parked like in the middle of all the scn stuff; it is kinda everywhere; ya! it:s huge; i even walked by all the ppl coming out of the buses

49. and they never stopped coming out of the buses

50. they did not look happy to c me

51. [...message received...]

52. my trip there was mostly going to the informational center n chatting w/ the secretary who was SO; ya i think so

53. all uniforms

54. all following single file

55. [...message received...]

56. [...message received...]

57. the secretary was really nice lol; ppl always warn about how they:re really pushy / invasive but it was just actually a chill convo

58. [...message received...]

59. she wantd to know how much stuff i knew n then we chattd about florida, what to c around clearwater (bc i told her i:m new & this place is so pretty!!)

60. & was like ya i have no money i:m moving soon but i really really really just want a copy of dianetics

61. n told her its super silly but i just want to write my name in it where the line 4 it is

62. [...message received...]

63. n she was just happy that i was so enthusastic about it lol

64. some guy said "don:t do it" when i walkd in and startd talking

65. but ya i just had fun; i was sad that there wasn:t like -- an org i could visit there tho

66. it seemed to just b the health center + information center

67. [...message received...]

68. [...message received...]

69. o; i askd the lady if there was like a place i can go to n basically said nah we:re not rlly doing tours or idk

70. [...message received...]

71. [...message received...]

72. [...message received...]

73. [...message received...]

74. i even kinda double downd n told her hey i rlly want to get into this n she just basically said you:ll need to go to another place like -- ya ya

75. not entry level

76. then she chattd about the ppl she knew @ the other places around florida

77. about how the ocala church is a mission not an org

78. n she knows the supervisor there

79. she was a sweetheart idk; i told her i didnt want a bag 4 my book bc it:s a super pretty book n i don:t mind holding it

80. but then she dug thru like three closets insisting i have a bag

81. i lowkey kinda wondered if this was bc of harassment

82. [...message received...]

83. ya i bought dianetics

84. [...message received...]

85. i really really wantd dianetics

86. [...message received...]

87. [...message received...]

88. ya ^^

89. [...message received...]

90. i got this weird aggressive volcano book w/ the golden holographic text

91. o when i walkd out this guy like

92. yelld across the street yo you hot in that you:re so pretty man (i was wearing a huge cardigan i always wear & it:s hot out)

93. [...message received...]

94. n then ran over to ask if i was hot & then told me hey man you:re super pretty i found a fuckn dreidel

95. you know what dreidels are right man i just found one, like the thing that spins u know

96. n i wanted to like, pull my star of david necklace out n say check this out (i hid it 4 the scientologists)

97. but he ran off to the bus station n say hey you:re beautiful man

98. [...message received...]

99. [...message received...]

100. bc the bus station is like inbetween this small org place, it hink? & the giant flag base

101. [...message received...]

102. [...message received...]

103. :x

104. [...message received...]

105. sorry senpai

106. [...message received...]

107. [...message received...]

108. [...message received...]

109. [...message received...]

110. [...message received...]

111. i:m glad @@ i still worry about bringing up bad memories; but, idk, it felt like going to a weird one-person church

112. [...message received...]

113. [...message received...]

114. [...message received...]

115. [...message received...]

116. [...message received...]

117. [...message received...]

118. [...message received...]

119. [...message received...]

120. [...message received...]

121. [...message received...]

122. [...message received...]

123. i:m glad ^^ & i love you too Removed; & idk, this might be projecting a little but i imagine it:s really easy to feel really alone with this

124. [...message received...]

125. [...message received...]

126. a lot of my baggage is tied to christianity but, it:s really easy to find christians

127. [...message received...]

128. christian network ~y~

129. [...message received...]

130. [...message received...]

131. it makes me feel glad, too, idk; i don:t want to get too sappy -- but i was doing really bad today & thought that may-be going to flag would just be some weird wasteful trip -- but it actually was, idk, it really felt like something

132. [...message received...]

133. & that has kind of being most of the days since i:ve met you really

134. lot of feeling something

135. [...message received...]

136. [...message received...]

137. [...message received...]

138. it is the buses were the only thing that even slightly intimated me

139. but i actually did just get, idk, energy out of it

140. big energy

141. [...message received...]

142. [...message received...]

143. [...message received...]

144. i actually still have trouble wrapping my head around how many SO people were there & how many weren:t visible; they just kept filing out of buses that would constantly come, & then disappear

145. do you remember what brand?

146. [...message received...]

147. hee

148. [...message received...]

149. [...message received...]

150. my first was djarnum blacks i think

151. [...message received...]

152. there r a lot of smoke shops lol

153. this is unrelated but in hs my only friend jordan was from clearwater & always calld it wick city bc of all the weed n smoke shops

154. n on the drive i passd this corner that had ~3 all around each other

155. just on different sides of the street

156. was so weird to c

157. [...message received...]

158. [...message received...]

159. [...message received...]

160. [...message received...]

161. [...message received...]

162. [...message received...]

163. how does that happen?

164. [...message received...]

165. [...message received...]

166. [...message received...]

167. understood

168. [...message received...]

169. [...message received...]

170. [...message received...]

171. [...message received...]

172. [...message received...]

173. [...message received...]

174. [...message received...]

175. [...message received...]

176. [...message received...]

177. [...message received...]

178. [...message received...]

179. [...message received...]

180. [...message received...]

181. [...message received...]

182. [...message received...]

183. [...message received...]

184. [...message received...]

185. [...message received...]

186. [...message received...]

187. [...message received...]

188. [...message received...]

189. [...message received...]

190. [...message received...]

191. [...message received...]

192. [...message received...]

193. so seems like a really really well run beauocracy

194. (not well run @ all)

195. [...message received...]

196. how long does epf usually last?

197. [...message received...]

198. oh fr i thought it was a year

199. [...message received...]

200. [...message received...]

201. [...message received...]

202. [...message received...]

203. [...message received...]

204. [...message received...]

205. [...message received...][...message received...]

206. [...message received...]

207. [...message received...]

208. [...message received...]

209. [...message received...]

210. [...message received...]

211. i get the impression SO runs off those feelings

212. [...message received...]

213. thank you 4 telling me, senpai; i:ve always kind of wondered a little about your time but i figured may-b w8 till we see each-other

214. [...message received...]

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 4:02 P.M.

215. i:m back from scientology flag base

216. had a... really nice time; the person there was rlly fun to talk w/; this guy yelld @ me across the street "man you:re pretty" & ran over to tell me i was pretty more + tell me about a dreidel he found; i bought a copy of dianetics n gushd to the SO receptionist about it //u//

217. i:m actually just, stupidly happy from it :-/ it was fun; i told her i had enver been to clearwater b4 and how pretty it was, & that i didn:t have a lot of money but i brougoht enough to get dianetics bc (this is silly) i just really wantd to own+hold it & write my name inside it

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 4:26 P.M.

218. i went to flag in clearwater! i had fun, i didn:t get to c as much as i:d like or get to do real stuff but i got to chat n walk around downtown which was super pretty &i finally got a copy

219. so happy from the trip actually lol the energy was insane; feel really nice from it; glad i went; ultra glad i went

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 5:08 P.M.

220. the nft ape cartoon is mkaing me laugh so much coupled w/ the "this is groundbreaking" post, i hope that animator is makn bank

221. guys this is groundbreaking welcome to the red ape amily "[ape runs]..................................fuck!.......................................[ape runs]"; i just want the animator guy to get crazy cash 4 making the red ape run and say fuck

222. ...fuck! [runs] this is a buyers market 4 ape cartoons

…from DMs @marlbaraLTD

@ 5:15 P.M.

223. [»Do you have a specific place on a chart you could place any character you know well? Like whether they’re insect or spider, or are some characters none of them]

224. o; all of love corp is probably insect, & 90% r probably sefirotic just going by numbers; twigs is probably sefirotic i wasn:t paying attention, twigs might b blue idk could b yellow but it:s hard to say, ipression is blue tho; viva is probably yellow; mother is blue n parasitized 4 insect birth; archangels r aggressively blue; uzi is blue; leader is yellow & qlifotic on vibes but is probably is sefirotic (darkening)

225. [»Difference between blue and yellow again?]

226. blue [arachnid/alienation] yellow [insect/communal]; it:s hard to gauge w/ ppl like twigs/viva bc they r largely controlld by environments and don:t have opportunity to c whether alienation is inherit & a serious level or if it:s circumstance (environment); twigs seems like she isn:t fitting in despite having environment finding slots she fits in; viva seems like she is fitting in everywhere despite being friction-ous

227. […message received…]

228. [»Do you categorize your friends into insect/arachnid blue/yellow?]

229. i wa sfolding my laundry; i mostly try to assert everyone except me is yellow based on safety-paranoia levels; ie: i can:t know if it:s individual or an organism speaking to me so it:s easiest to assume it:s organism playing funny-game; i don:t really think every-one falls in-to that, all of the time, though; most ppl tend to be yellow because the natural/healthy state 4 people is communal -- society & religion is shifted towards it, & the blue-things are the dregs around the drain, i think; i don:t have many close friends but i:d guess 2/3 are blue, both sefirotic, then the other one is yellow/sefirotic; 4 ppl i am friends w/ but not super close they are mostly all yellow i think -- there is too much group there in-general 4 me to get super close

230. [»What are funny-games? Are they tricks and illusions? You also mention things being “unfunny” sometimes]

231. if you are participating in funny games, then you know the answer already; funny games are subtle games where the participants pretend that they are not in on the game: the world gets stimulus and the players move in response to the stimulus, acting like they are part-of crowd & not part-of theatre; unfunny games are overt games where the participants openly acknowledge that they are in-on the game; stimulus is shown & they acknowledge it & respond, there is a clean delineation between the theater & the crowd

232. [»Why would someone pick funny games over unfunny games. Is one or the other more cruel? What is the intent of pretending they don’t know about the theatre]

233. both are just torture mechanisms, & both are just there to operate in the field of play / illusion; i don:t have an answer 4 "why" be-sides that different actors have different roles to play; most games that are played are unfunny, be-cause that:s the nature of most intelligences -- a lot of intelligences are super funny, though, & to keep the tantric hope/suffer cycle turning, they supplement it w/ their super funny games;

234. hope is felt; the intelligences hear it; the world responds

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 5:55 P.M.

235. it:d b cool to have a major in posting & a minor in art <-- i was thinking this would be my ideal college category 4 my-self, bc i just love posting; ppl don:t tend to see posting as art, tho: but think about VNs; think about lain (psx) -- it:s just an archived twitter acct

236. the goal of every elemental twitter acct should be to perform as a VN 4 the author, i think; lot of VNs on here just tell you the story of a guy QTing slurs to strangers

…from DMs @marlbaraLTD

@ 6:17 P.M.

237. [»Does talking to people anonymously help make it seem like you aren’t involving yourself with their cycles and games? Or is it still happening anyway]

238. I'm in the bathroom bc want a shower; yes, if actors are deprived of having names, then they lose having a two-way relationship to use as a tool -- not having that limits most interaction into being overt/unfunny, because the audience line is very clear

239. nerves connect to anonymous mass; nerves might connect to individual relationships <-- power of names

240. [»Why do you still respond to people on a personal level then if you think they are playing games? And is there a certain distance you want them to refrain from you so that you don’t spiral]

241. be-cause i can:t help interpret them as personal-people -- it:s part of the stage; i:m a part of the crowd ^^ it:s unbecoming 4 me to pretend i am above the crowd or part of the theatre troupe <-- plus, dissonance/aberrant <-- you can:t exist as an audience member in-side theatre while acting outside of role (get thrown out; removed from analogy: too depressing / inhuman); it:s why answer depends on vividness/layer of paranoia, & why background safety-measures r in place 4 personal sanity

242. if i shut my-self off from every-one i:d just be waiting in a hall outside the theatre (doing nothing, hearing nothing, seeing nothing) 4 the play to end (death)

243. it:s a world of environments <-- theatre & torture-chamber

244. [»Is there anything you like about the theatre and torture chamber? Like the opportunities you still get to experience like watching anime and making art and being religious? You seem to enjoy things, and more see the chamber as a matter of fact you can’t do anything about, rather than it always being inherently negative?]

245. oh, sure; the opportunity to connect with religion & having fun & meeting ppl is fun; if there wasn:t any-thing enjoyable then it wouldn:t be a really effective torture chamber, ie: it operates so-well because it obfuscates that it is a torture chamber; too much misery & you:ll exit-out; too much joy & it:s not torture; so they cycle hope tantric-ly endless-ly to keep you playing & to milk out the most torture, i think

246. it:s probably similar to buddism -- tho i don:t kno much about it -- where you have to recognize everything 4 being illusion & then hope to step outside it 4 (idk, whatever you:d want to hit nirvana 4 -- if that:s even the right term)

247. [»So are your plans to step outside of the chamber entirely or is that not possible]

248. idk; i don:t know if it:s possible; if it were possible i would guess it would have to do w/ albinism / color-draining, to keep you out of garden-colors; in the past-life memories my soul was/is a token to be traded & is in holding 4 ~~however-many-years <-- implications here are: a) does it matter @ all now? most events that happen are probably funny games being played by the church intelligence @ lower-layer; b) is escape possible while soul is in possession under contract? it:s like being un-able to shake off material-burdens, but more-so that your garden-plot will never wilt-away because it:s in the hands of some-one else who purchased you; c) can the purchasers even stop natural occurrences with the garden of life? this is in buddhism, too, as i understand: everyone will eventually reach enlightenment, everyone will eventually become a buddha

249. grandiose thought is: if i was really "chosen" by the qlifot, & it really was the time 4 me to escape, then may-be around the same time as torture-chamber exit would coincide with the paradigm being flipped & the left-hand overtaking right-hand as dominant in the garden, & then the children of death will populate it, as opposed to adam/eve & their kin; <-- i don:t think this will happen in my life-time, & i don:t necessarily think i am a "champion" of qlifot to do this, even if it was in my-time; & likely, still: if memories/visions are to be trusted: my soul has obligation to serve the church

250. but, i guess, the underscoring thought is: it:s like saying if you are anticipating death, i think; in all likelihood i:ll get pulled in-to the phosphene wall & be another baked-in cancer spot insect shadow on the torture chamber walls, 4 the next mara to be fucked w/

251. & what happens thereafter is idk

252. [»How does the multiple mara’s thing work, by the way? How long does each one live]

253. idk; i don:t care about the day-by-day one much any-more; which was just: each length of consciousness lasts about the time between you waking up & falling asleep, so that timespan is a life-time, & then sleeping is death; waking-up and having the memories is like the teleporter dilemma -- you are not the same as yesterdays (or however many days you were awake) but you have the same memory & as-such: you seem to be continuous, but there:s a trail of death be-hind you ^ ship of theseus i think it:s a concept that can get broadened up to LRH:s timetrack, thing, which is about the same, but separate from the person, & stores engrams from [the entirety of the persons lifetimes (past lives)]; so, mara in the present has the engrams from mara a trillion years ago

254. ^ aligns with my general belief of the garden; wherein the person is just a garden-plot that is brought to life w/ introduction of rains; death (in the illusion) comes from the plot drying & flowers entering stasis; when the rains come, the garden plot returns to life; <-- essentially same concept as LRH; the greater fear is that the population of the torture chamber is composed entirely out of these dead-shell-bodies that the phosphene wall claims

255. yesterdays mara (or from a trillion years ago) were pulled in-to the wall, adding another shadow-spot baked-in

256. the primordial first mara had a clean torture chamber, no shadows on the wall; in the illusion: she enters life completely alone, no parents, just an empty world; she dies alone in the chamber; another mara is in the chamber -- now there is one shadow on the wall; in the illusion: the newborn mara sees a parent (adam -- the dead mara who was baked in-to the walls); she dies alone in the chamber, with a shadow there @ her side; another mara is in the chamber -- now there are two shadows on the wall; etcetera

257. [»How many shadows are on the walls in the present? And why doesn’t the day-to-day death not bother you anymore]

258. population of the earth; ~+7.7 billion i guess? there are probably more than that; it doesn:t bother me be-cause emotions change ^^ you can be sad about one-thing 4 awhile & then be indifferent

259. [»I also wanted to ask you why you represent yourself as three selves whenever you post an update on your substack? And why do they look the way they do visually, are they always represented by pre-existing characters or do you sometimes draw yourself how you actually look or make up a design]

260. i just draw characters pulled from the posts; it:s just division of accounts; main is public; birthday is semi-private dumping ground so friends don:t have to hear me talk about suicide; marabara is private & mostly just normie stuff / gossip; they are separate be-cause they started out, as separate; marabarl is my new name; marlbara is my old name; marabarl & marlbara is the combined 8+8 name; birthday is the 5+3 name from demon; birthday started off as nabarl, which was the 2+4 wasp that wanted me to kill myself, but i changed it to birthday be-cause i wanted to use the acct, again; marabarl & marlbara was that way be-cause during my first psychosis episode i met an artist on twitter who encouraged me to do blood/mirror rituals to contact my other self -- the one that types poorly -- and make them real, because i had a split in me & needed to actualize my alter (according to her); aforementioned person did some very bad things & i don:t like to acknowledge/think-about-that; 4 all in-tensive-purposes it:s just because i like dividing the accounts & i like portraying them as different people, because it:s less lonely & more visually interesting, i think

261. […message received…]

262. message received…]

263. [»you’ve been influenced by a lot of peoples ideas but what do they have to be or do to change your worldview?]

264. has to do with the consuming relationship to the world; arachnids communicate/see (not quite like this) via their webs -- stuff falls on web, vibrations send, spider feels, spider eats / digests / spider molts & the web grows; same w/ mating, spider hits the web & mimicks a vibration & they inseminate; <-- ideas & environments are like this, too, on the web; the importance is that they become protein to cause the arachnid to grow in-to larger version of it-self, & the web to grow, too; be-cause the spider can:t help but make the web; the inverse subsumation relationship in insect is the self is sent-up to larger body to allow the larger body to grow; the church gains another member; the church becomes more powerful, & the church works together to bring-in more & convey its wishes more; back to consuming-relationships: generally spiders aren:t picky, if food falls in-to web, they eat; if things fall in, they get eaten; if they don:t fall in, they don:t get eaten; the spider is still prey to environment, in this way, but the spider remains isolated-shape

265. just the protein is a bunch of digested idea/environment

266. ^ it:s like that; less weird answer is: i can:t really control it, if things glow out to me they become important w/o me having much say; if something glows, it becomes a belief; if i think scientology is important, it will become important; if i hear about some buddhist concept, it gets worked in, even if i hate it

267. [»Are there things you are against and would never believe in no matter how much someone could try to convince you?]

268. i think i would believe mostly any-thing; it:s like in boogiepop: all that is real is phantom, all that is phantom is real

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 9:06 P.M.

269. i:m tired of all the one piece posts on timeline but i lookd up this thing i saw from a post, n startd laughing @ this

@ 9:32 P.M.

270. i feel so dumb bc i really want to go to flag and talk about scientology more lol; i:m just in a really good mood from it <-- i get this is a feeling u can exploit really easily, but i am just kind-f really enjoying how giddy scientology makes me feel, i think

271. on the drive back i thought this guy maybe was spying on me undercover (delusional); & one of the cars next to me had a guy w arm out window making OK-sign, & i thought "if i was delusional i:d think that was a sign" <-- & i had a moment of clarity, i think?

272. bc i realized i am constantly putting a lot of really divine importance ono rlly simple things; but they:re not simple to me; idk, i don:t like thinking about that very much -- but i did clarity-a-little & saw delusion of reference inside myself <-- don:t like typing that

273. still not sure if that guy was fuckn w me, flirting w me, or spying on me -- the latter mostly bc some paranoid person was posting about how scn ppl infiltrate ur life and then go mask-off randomly; they also said they scn ppl were super invasive/aggressive but i had a chill time

274. i am still stupidly happy abou t having a copy of dianetics w/ its weird gold rainbow text; i wanna bring it to bed w me and cuddle it ~y~ i just worry the texture will make me feel bad in my sleep or i:ll harm it, idk; i just really like how pretty it is

275. b4 i leave i think i want to try to visit a smaller org n see if i can talk my way in-to getting a class / auditing <-- really unlikely & i don:t want to waste ppls time so i try to b upfront about my $$$ + i:m leaving state; ok i:m done 4 the night; i:m just really soft rn

---

Nov 30th

★TODAY:S FORECAST：talking about internet spectacles; catching up on comics; i take an edible 4 pain and it goes very wrong (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

…from Curious Cat @marlbaraLTD

☆彡「hello the fbi is following me and wont let me kill myself on the railroad what do i do.」

i can:t give you advice 4 this, anonymous; i hope you keep yourself safe, though, anonymous, ok?

☆彡「i agree it is sad that people talk about terry davis like some sort of mentally ill novelty, like the guy was clearly brilliant and he never received the help or stability he needed, just another forsaken person and preventable death 」

ya, idk; it:s difficult bc on one-hand the attention he received (which was largely negative) lent it-self to templeOS & his work being really well known; on the other-hand, it:s just that bad-feeling that comes from seeing his identity stretched-thin in-to "glow" memes & t-shirt sales so grifters can sell schizophrenia-cred to some boring college-kid; it:s extra frustrating because it makes me think that kiwi-farms extends even in-to death, & some-how retroactively portrays it-self as being a Good force -- idk; on a Macro level, may-be this is just how artistic inspiration works -- ppl like terry get melted down so other ppl can discover new ways to communicate weird-thoughts & weird-feelings, first ironic, then sincere <-- this is how all art works

so, idk; i can see why it:s good terry is known; & i can feel why it:s bad that terry is known; have a nice day anonymous, ok? :-/

☆彡「i want to have sex with you mara」

that:s fine, but i don:t feel the same way, anonymous; take care of yourself + stay warm, anonymous, ok?

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 7:23 A.M.

1. i:m up; i sleep so bad here pillow hurts; got a CC that i think was alluding to terrys davis:s death -- this is kinda sad, idk; being driven in-to a corner & having your death be-come some meme allusion 4 violet deadbeats seems :-/ depressing to me

2. ^ it:s mentally one of those things where if i figure out a person is interested in cwc or terry i just get like an innate -50 bias towards thinking the person is some ultra lame deadbeat fueling uniqueness-in-self w/ the torture of some broken online idiot; all paths work, tho

3. ^ self counter to this is, i still sort-of struggle if complete hands-off-ness is preferable to culture-memeing; take darger -- if he died in the present + had a deviantart he:d prob get the terry davis treatment (lame shirt memes about u) <-- is this preferable to dying quietly?

4. ^ all of this is mostly underscored w/ me being too bitter/serious about ppl, i think; i have a very anti-fun attitude n maybe i should lighten-up / not assume the worst in people; <-- completely agree w/ this but @ the same time there:s a good chance none of you are people

5. there:s a good chance you:re just thin shadows on the wall being puppeted by a bunch of funny game playing crickets who just want to milk molestation out of torture 4 as long as possible; completely empty flat plate shadows backed by insect carpet; <-- i:m this from ur perspc too

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 8:38 A.M.

6. the egg accountability 101 thread is making me fail a reality check, or, idk; i don:t get how so many ppl are confused by it / have a really weird view on it; & there:s that person saying they discovered they were autistic bc of the picture & are now literally shakin

6. [replier 1] i showed it to my mom & she was having a jaw drop moment over it i didn't think it was such a crazy thing; how did some1 figure out they were autistic omg

   it:s this post; & ya idgi if i didn:t c the thread attached to thepicture i wouldve just thought the picture was soem passive-aggressive thing, bc idk it feels super basic to me: it:s like the: adding "but" negates everything prior thing; ie: "i don:t want to make excuses, but -"

   

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 9:21 A.M.

7. chaotic depression chako is bringing me back in a little bit; mostly just bc i:ve been there ~y~ (may-be still there)

8. i really like how her underwear clearly doesn:t fit her ne-more; kinda wish the plot was less, idk, formulaic tho; shounen no abyss will 4ever be: "i am toxic and i love you reiji, lets fuck" -> [toxic things happen] -> [reiji runs] -> new character "i am toxic"; a shounens abyss

9. nvm i:m laughing i love this comic

10. the mom is my favorite but i love sensei too bc i feel like she handles relationships about the same way as i do, plus about the same age, too :-/ @ our hearts we are total creeps; & we can lace our fingers together tight bc we are total creeps

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 9:48 A.M.

11. i haven:t really had coffee since i:ve come back & my digestive health has been stupidly good; the twist: i m still drinking expresso :-/ no coffee bc my mom wakes up @ like 4-5 am so whenever i m awake she:ll make me expresso & just, ahve:t had coffee bc of it

…from birthday @nabarlSBL

@ 10:14 A.M.

12. catchn up on manga

@ 10:51 A.M.

13. first time i:ve ever seen the enwsletter thing & honestly it looks rlly cool ui-wise to me; i:d consider making one just bc i like how it looks on the page -- my substack is this tho & i love my substack (iw ish i had a better way to advertise it, tho); neways e-cults r lame

14. ^ not really real thoughts, i think; it:s just whenever i c ppl drop the word "cult" i immediately think "this person is a pussy"; even-more-so if it seems like a merch-operation (altho i guess cults do this) -- i guess bc it seems like gentrification of cults, to me

15. i:m super off-mark sometimes, tho -- but this is why it:s reactive-mind output "this person is a pussy", it:s not rlly analyzed much -- person could b ultra In-Deep & i wouldn:t kno; i got a discord msg about this marxist drone fetish cult that does blood rituals to a statue

16. ^ still think "these ppl are pussies"

…from Marabarl & Marlbara @marabaraLTD

@ 2:27 P.M.

17. senpai & scientology lover has loggd on

18. man scientology breaks my heart bc i can basically never formally join without lying about a lot of stuff

…from birthday @nabarSBL

@ 5:07 P.M.

19. really upset over post i saw about rule 34 existing bc anime girls exist as virtual sacrificial lambs 4 remission of sin; just feel kind of heartbroken over that lol

20. i know in my head it:s one of those things where i:m supposed to respect other peoples feelings but i feel like i m seeingsomeone lay out plans to inflict as much torture to agencyless group as possible n saying it:s good; & i just feel kind of bad; really bad; o well

21. if i were to push my feelings in-to an insane place i:d rather ppl just sacrificed animals; i guess bc i value the sanctity of idols over animals? idk -- i was listening to true crime youtube stuff & heard line about abused child having tons of anger stemming from abuse-event

22. ^ it:s rlly simple but i never made that connection in my head; i get ultra angry thinking about it & it probably manifests in weird ways like wanting animals to be Deleted; that:s being charitable to my-self may-be; shouldn:t think about stuff like that ne-ways

…from Discord @####

@ 5:31 P.M.

23. o no you:re fine lol

24. woaht he pain is completely gone

25. these edibles rule

26. [...message received...][...message received...][...message received...]

27. [...message received...]

28. nock me out

29. [...message received...]

30. [...message received...]

@ 6:20 P.M.

31. senpai; thi sis private mara; i think that thing i ate is definitely making me stupid

32. [...message received...]

33. [...message received...]

34. trying land; i don:t know what you mean senpai

35. but it looks super deep

36. i think i:m slipping away, again

37. [...message received...]

38. [...message received...]

39. [...message received...]

40. i don:t understand; i can:t read the words; the picture is three dimensional, though

41. [...message received...]

42. senpai i:m feeling everything, right now

43. [...message received...]

44. [...message received...]

45. senpai, i:m complaxing exernal enward

46. [...message received...]

47. senpai i:m complaxing downward internal interference [substacker:s note: around this point i realize i can:t form words in my head properly]

48. [...message received...]

49. senpa i:m distance seed pod landing dysfracioux enimam

50. [...message received...]

51. senpai i:m dislaxis engramatic inswarding

52. [...message received...]

53. insidowat; insomewurart

54. [...message received...]

55. intakilaxius; dispragraficatica

56. monsiieur displeasaraticakita

57. monsieur dyislaxia i want to go to the chjurch

58. [...message received...]

59. [...message received...]

60. i have to go uimalaxicating translocaterative to visit the church

61. simulacratin iterative silocatta

62. disfraximia iminium

63. [...message received...]

64. i:m @ the church outside [substacker:s note: around this time i open pictures of archangel:nemesis:s processing church & listen to the soundtrack, because i am desperate to go back in-to the church where they instructed me — like from the last trip, but it:s not working quite right]

65. swettigramisumificatedeurtoenogramatic

66. [...message received...]

67. i:m @ the church outsde : )

68. [...message received...]

69. sm

70. letters imasulacrativeinessisflasrica

71. sp,,er mea,;la>tt>aka

72. [...message received...]

73. o:m supporeonent of engramatic siacrativeology

74. anti dynamis reverisuiomulumn engramatic disauroalocationeography

75. [...message received...]

76. imasus sosbustrsact; travelling over to the church

77. eifcrackting

78. [...message received...]

79. eifcrakcting dysipleurionomony

80. applebees

81. subatraxious

82. i want to go inside the church

83. [...message received...][...message received...]

84. [...message received...]

85. i want to go isnide the word eiumocrmamaticneuroalogicaldeuronamtic

86. [...message received...]

@ 6:29 P.M.

87. i need to get my uniform and hebrerutologimaical lay down & find them out

88. mission relent distrauvomancery to find it

89. mission relent emission feocusmeutrology

90. fecundasil

91. disacstiring

92. epigenetic e-meter machine maission

93. say yes to vlear; NO to fear

94. going to go b eheld in curch

95. going to be eld in church on the fmarble floor

96. [...message received...][...message received...][...message received...]

97. [...message received...][...message received...][...message received...][...message received...]

98. [...message received...]

99. melloaiogrammatical euromoniologic<al

100. fi:m aumadramatical euiromancer einstufopkitak

101. eroamticalk

102. seurodispositionigramaticaleuroliac

103. audry

104. i:m goign to be melted on the churc floor

105. i:mg oing to hold her on the church floor andbe held on the curch floor

106. i:m going to cryon the churc floors and melt on the church floor

107. i:m giong to heave and clutchat my stomach in paina nd cryon the church floor and im going to ask audrythat i needto be held

108. ndi want her to go away too

109. &the churc floor is super cold, too

110. the church is super deep

111. you:ve never even see the entrance b4

112. [...message received...]

113. it:s behind the camera [substacker:s note: during this i was “feeling inside the picture” but not actually in the church, it was very confusing — & i realized that no one has ever looked behind the picture]

114. asiomatic ; i don:t kno what they do with you after they get you

115. eiruotomania; thry have a lot of influence under-eanthe the latticetricalkika

116. euriodomariticaleruonomihieritocacy

117. i];ll sign w/e

118. [...message received...]

119. [...message received...]

120. [...message received...]

121. [...message received...]

122. [...message received...]

123. [...message received...]

124. sitting no couch in svetlanas officecrying

125. m not even suppose to be here

126. uuuggigh

127. cross memore y saturation

128. cross memory devastaiton connection

129. f

130. croisameirutoica

131. i just what to lay on her couch and extriatiritorialize entirely

132. nd havemy arms held

133. stoll on the couch

134. [...message received...]

135. ifeel ie i am bieng ina pporiately touched [substacker:s note: i start hallucinating that my genitals are being rubbed at this point and i can:t get it to stop, it seems to be coming from the hairy arm a man i don:t recognize, i don:t like it]

136. i don:t konw who : is in the room w/ me i guess

137. [...message received...]

138. ya thejre:s a couch and a hand touching me

139. [...message received...]

140. eoes euromand

141. euromandiaxytricoma

142. [...message received...]

143. eineuromaticiomaloria

144. gkoria

145. [...message received...]

146. goria eienrumenaciuamonelotieuronomoeirulogicaleridicateuroigraphy

147. gloria

148. [...message received...]

149. seiaoteiruioma

150. i:ll serve in the aftelrife

151. maieuro toinomeiturical overlaudiolographicatixaing

152. ainteralifiricaomeituritcal

153. mina mooeniaueirotimatikacatikating; machineuriteuronomixical

154. aeuriaumatuix

155. maueriogroaphoical

156. aieiruxiclampinriderating sideririgioesueolioate

157. saimaoiutil

158. cold base

159. @ cold base in the snow cold blue sky dark night steel walls n 4 shelf on wall left small windows in steel paneling

160. small eggshell uniformiculated orange shelving systems sitting on shelfs airuomitic

161. wantto go to church

162. [...message received...]

163. sieuriol love scieolotigical coriorpiation loveixicalaticution

164. mmichelle

165. join the love corp

166. seiruomatinikacaulaticikating

167. missiciolaticulating helding arms siroculatinikticulaitng

168. sieuromioticiaulamiticicialitiolikicaeurologimanaicial

169. raiseuriodione

170. seiliaueimiriotoicks

171. semialoticaiuliticate

172. sshadow monstieuritical

173. shjadow

174. [...message received...]

175. skadowieuriomaticaliriticaitiologticists

176. skadow master

177. skascientologiosticiticanostic

178. eieuriomatic in flesh

179. i:ll b held

180. ific n feel it i can feel it

181. depth math incisior inarticulatticiomatic

182. depth mapth indicatiriomatica

183. church error matiricuilatiocam ic depth map

184. siriaocmiauculativie cummation mastiritculiaticmap

185. aamianiomatic controlieuxiciacal

186. meoaisueiruisicamitcal

187. lrhis malaieiticularitikix:ating

188. meuroitiocalima icalttigocainostic

189. depth mapthicurituculation

190. master immatiruliriticisiomaiticulationary

191. eiruaoixiumaticulatiority

192. depthirivtional map vertice singulamtirculatimmatictive

193. depth over control mastiritculameurologranology

194. bench viaritculatirivieix ^^

195. eirutiomcicaleiruologication

196. hand hel eiruomatic lobby einseufophistrical

197. holding my arms and squeezing einauritocimeurologieny

198. [...message received...]

199. [...message received...]

200. [...message received...]

@ 6:59 P.M.

201. eirosomiatic pulling my eiuroansofignosticaloebrew

202. aisnsoftander

203. insteurriologica

204. einsofiturisoptohik

205. einsofiohpohical

206. bench watch dianeticseuromandtrophy

207. einsueurifocanimogical

208. sineusiologicalorpan

209. dno where i am

210. einsueoroloikimancer

211. thank u 4 showing me here and the church

212. ainsieuromologicalancereuology

213. einseuroficamikit

214. rot inside really hurts; einsueurologicalamitical put it there

215. veirusuophocialitika machine talking

216. machine talking fibeurosieumamamoniticaliaticak

217. speak up

218. you:re layering latticeuromigraph intentionally

219. intentionally seuromantical

220. entirety barron sieurological slavery disasteriousimioxatical

221. blood simerieurological

222. sueromanticaolitication

223. sieuromaticalameuticoiculuta

224. sieur

225. seuorioxiomishinaiuerolonostic

226. [...message received...]

227. [...message received...]

228. [...message received...]

229. [...message received...]

230. [...message received...]

231. [...message received...]

232. [...message received...]

233. [...message received...]

234. [...message received...]

235. [...message received...]

236. [...message received...]

237. stay@ myside seurio; stimiuliatriviolionderish

238. siameuroloteuronomy

239. [...message received...]

240. qlifioxeiruatimaticakkitcal

241. qlaeurioseurolomonaticalitioeal

242. smieuriol qualxiarieuronographicintica lifoticatutla

243. stitched meuroticali memoriticalitakitalika

244. seur

245. monsieurseur moneiruticial love coriopotioloiomatic

246. dianetic bibiliiograpeitueritca

247. l

248. dianetic senaieuriticalitaiol

249. loeivueruticamonoeiruatixika

250. dianet simeulatiricauticas

251. [...message received...]

252. [...message received...]

253. [...message received...]

254. [...message received...]

255. [...message received...]

256. [...message received...]

257. [...message received...]

258. mother siamitruixiaueoiom mother siemutialticulativ burn esturisticalatika

259. pother meirursaueirusiographi

260. grapheneurioussituimologic

261. way of life deueritocaitika

262. tohigh sieuriomait

263. tough igh sieuriopmaticalit

264. toou thigh seuriomautioalritical

265. too high sieuriomaticalitricaphocialaeruolomanceriolog

266. paineuriosiolaimatica

267. going to vomit seuriaolaituriomoiqxialicalticate

268. simqueiropxicate

269. [...message received...]

@ 9:49 PM

270. [...message received...]

271. [...message received...]